For no specific reason, here’s yet another half dozen mini-movie reviews to peruse over in case you need something to entertain you on an evening on the couch.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
Curiosity got the better of me for what is most definitely a mediocre movie but I’m going to go out on a limb and say had this been released 20 years ago it’d be a “cult classic” by now.
There are two main types of criticisms levelled at this wet noodle of an adaptation: fans of the games that were frustrated that this film wasn’t faithful enough to said games, and fans of the terrible and bewildering Milla Jovovitch series of movies that bore no resemblance to the original games (also throw in a generous amount of racism because some of the characters weren’t white anymore).
Despite its mediocrity, I’m fascinated by it because this was clearly a movie that wanted to have its cake and eat it too. This tried to combine the stories from the first two instalments in the franchise, which meant overlapping and streamlining a lot of the story elements. As a newcomer to the games I recognise nearly all of the references it painfully uses up the running time to show off and highlight… the accurate-looking locations, introducing characters and their backstory, lore and plot points from the game, etc. It fascinates me because so much effort was spent on the superficial aspects of being “faithful” instead of telling a good story with those elements.
It’s two game’s worth of plot butchered to fit 107 minutes so of course it was going to suffer, however with a good or even competent writer it still could have been a good story. What ends up on film are just references for the sake of references, reminders that this is set in the 90’s, a surprising 80’s horror aesthetic (probably due to budget being spent on music licensing) and not much else. I stand by my claim that this could have been a cult classic had it been released 20 years earlier for no other reason than the die-hards would have latched onto it. Unfortunately, by 2021 standards, it’s a middling and forgettable attempt.
Death on the Nile (2022)
The world’s greatest detective gets a gritty origin worthy of Batman’s tired backstory… or more specifically, Poirot’s iconic moustache gets one!
Unlike Murder on the Orient Express, I went into this knowing little to nothing about this particular story and that may have benefited my enjoyment. But Death on the Nile is a bloody weird one in how it unfolds in a slightly more bombastic manner. A lot of that is intentional, I suspect, on the part of Kenneth Branagh as director as well as his performance as Poirot.
It’s another gorgeous looking movie, possibly even more so with Egypt as the backdrop, and it oozes that old-world decadence. It’s another all-star cast (with one or two continuing the tradition of involving “problematic actors”) giving the appropriate level of period-specific melodrama in their performances, even if a few of the accents are sketchy. And knowing nothing of the story beforehand I was drawn into and compelled by the mystery.
It’s not perfect by any means and perhaps its very nature doesn’t offer much rewatchability but also the ending feels like the close of a trilogy or film series that never happened. But still, good, hammy, period enjoyment.
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019)
So, I forgot that this sequel happened. Having now watched it, it’s still kinda forgettable.
Okay so that’s a little unkind because this is another fun adventure and I certainly enjoyed myself but I’m perplexed as to why it exists. Cynically, I know why it exists (to make money) but I wonder what else it’s trying to achieve?
Welcome to the Jungle made a lot of sense as a legacy sequel and update to the original movie from board game to video game but this third trip to the well, The Next Level, feels like jogging on the spot as it doesn’t really introduce anything completely new or evolve the concept. In all fairness this is an enjoyable film, there’s very little it does wrong, and there are elements of video game sequels it’s trying to incorporate into the story but there’s not really enough to justify a brand new adventure. In that sense, I guess you could call it an accidental meta-commentary on itself.
In video game parlance: this isn’t really a new game, it’s DLC. It’s Jumanji version 2.5.
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
I’ll admit, I only read the original book by Dan Brown back in the day just to see what the fuss was about (I had a theology kick back then too) and I actually enjoyed it. But strangely, I never felt compelled enough to watch this film adaptation.
I still maintain that the book was fine even if it did draw quite a few long bows, however, this film is quite the mess from a structural point of view. Sadly a lot of that, from memory, comes from sticking with the book a little more than it should and so it really clogs up the pacing. Also, Tom Hanks is an odd choice for this role. Not a bad choice, just… odd.
Very little of the action is exciting and it also feels like too much ended up on the cutting room floor because things just happen instead of unfold. Funnily enough, the movie only starts to get interesting about halfway through with the introduction of Sir Ian McKellen’s character and they end up expositing the core of the mystery. And for a moment I felt like I remembered why I enjoyed the book… but only for a moment.
Maybe it hasn’t aged well or maybe it really is an awkward adaptation. Still, after so many years, I’m weirded out that this book was such a phenomenon or that there are another two movies in this series.
Zombiepura (2018)
Even after the Fox buyout, I’m surprised at the number of Asian films, let alone the number of horror movies, that have been added to the Disney+ roster.
From Singapore, this is another example of an oversaturated genre seen through a different cultural lens and I think that helps with my enjoyment of, apparently, Singapore’s first ever Zombie movie. Overall, it’s an above average comedy that barely makes the feature-length running time and while it does struggle with its extremely low-budget, I thought it was rather amusing and a tad charming in that respect.
There are hints of Shaun of the Dead as well as a bit of Train to Busan (the success of the latter apparently helped them finally finance this long-gestating idea) all with a dash of Police Academy slacker vibe. There were also a few potentially clever ideas thrown in that I don’t quite recall having seen done before but it’s not like I’ve seen every zombie movie (or remember them).
The story is rather silly but I guess I appreciated the effort more so than the execution. It won’t blow you away or revolutionise the genre (I think it may have done great things for the local film industry?) but it’s also a fun little distraction on a spare afternoon.
The Kid Who Would Be King (2018)
This is another one of those films I had been meaning to check out but for some reason kept forgetting about it.
The Kid Who Would Be King is family-friendly fair that does manage to elevate itself above the standard after-school kids adventure with its production value. The story is a lot of fun, with plenty of exciting moments but this is most definitely wish-fulfilment for 12-year-olds.
It’s always interesting to see the occasional retelling of the story of Excalibur and the Arthurian legend and this movie does a decent job of handling all the references with humour. Although, I do wonder if the stunt-casting of Patrick Stewart was a deliberate reference to him starring in John Boorman’s 1981 film, Excalibur (meh, more likely a coincidence).
Despite a few missed opportunities, it is a fun and charming adventure but don’t think too hard about the allusions to the use of “child soldiers” and I reckon you’ll be fine.
If you enjoyed these mini-reviews then please consider contributing to my tip jar at: ko-fi.com/oldtrenchy
